A Blessing in Disguise
by broodyandcheery143
Summary: In the episode Home Quinn tells Mercedes she understand what she's been through. This is my version of Quinn struggling with her own relationship with food and the stresses of being head Cheerio. One-shot.


**This is my first ever one-shot but i was pretty happy with the end result. I got this idea while watching the part in the episode Home where Quinn talks to Mercedes after shes passed out. She tells Mercedes she's been there and understands what she's going through, but doesnt elaborate so i let my imagination do it for her :)**

**Thanks so much for reading and reviews are always appreciated. **

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A Blessing in Disguise

The first time Quinn Fabray went a whole day without eating was when she was a freshman. She went to her weekly weigh in for her cheerleading team only to find out she had gained two pounds throughout the week. Coach Sylvester informed her that if she ever wanted to be head cheerleader- and she was well on her way- this would not happen again, so when Quinn went home that night she told her parents she wasn't feeling well and opted to skip dinner. When she woke up the next morning she was hungry but after finding out she had only lost one pound the day before she knew she couldn't eat anything. When lunch period arrived no one even noticed the cheerleader was barely nibbling on her celery sticks; she told her parents she wasn't hungry again for dinner. Quinn knew her parents didn't pay enough attention to her to notice she wasn't eating.

This routine went on for the next few months. When Quinn felt as if she might pass out she allowed herself to eat a few carrots but more often than not she found herself in the bathroom throwing up what she had allowed herself to eat.

It was October of freshman year and the cheerios were in the middle of a grueling practice, getting ready for qualifiers for nationals. Quinn could feel herself getting lightheaded as she practiced her tumbling. She pushed the thoughts aside and ignored the fact that her body was shaking with hunger.

When they started rehearsing their routine Quinn couldn't ignore the pain or the shaking anymore. Everything started to blur and before Quinn knew it everything went completely black. The next thing the blonde remembered was waking up in the nurse's office, Brittany and Santana sitting in chairs in front of her.

"What happened?" Quinn asked, sitting up. She was still dizzy and it took a couple seconds before she was able to sit up all the way.

"You fainted," Brittany answered simply.

"Jeez, Q, what were you thinking?" Santana scrutinized, not with worry in her voice but anger. "You can't afford to be passing out; not with qualifiers so close." That was the moment Quinn realized Brittany and Santana were not really her friends. All the two other Cheerios cared about was the fact that their friend was in line to be the next head cheerleader and that if they were friends with Quinn they would be part of the most popular group in school.

"Yea, I think I just ate some bad fish last night for dinner," Quinn lied.

Santana rolled her eyes. "You're not fooling anyone. You don't think no one has noticed that you haven't eaten lunch in two months? Look I'm all for doing whatever it takes to stay thin, but you need to make sure it's not going to affect your ability to cheerlead because if you not eating costs us nationals I swear to God I will break your twig body in half, you got that?"

Quinn nodded. "This won't happen again. You don't have to worry about that."

Quinn did everything she could to make sure she didn't pass out again and was able to function at practice. She found that if she ate a granola bar before practice she could make it through without feeling queasy.

Even though the blonde knew she was thin she was still constantly scrutinizing herself. If her parents had taught her one thing it's that appearances matter and you must do whatever it takes to keep yourself looking your best. Quinn guessed that was why her parents never said anything about her skipping dinner or simply moving it around on her plate when she decided to grace them with her presence at dinner. Mostly Quinn said she had too much homework and 'ate' dinner in her bedroom. Her parents wanted her to be skinny and pretty as much as Ms. Sylvester did, which is why they never said anything, Quinn was sure of it. Their daughter's happiness had never been their number one priority they made that clear throughout their daughter's life.

Quinn's plan worked throughout freshman year. Towards the end of freshman year she started dating Finn, the quarterback of the football team. Quinn did her best to make sure their dates didn't involve eating and whenever they did Quinn claimed she wasn't hungry or threw up whatever she ate when she got home. She started sitting with him at lunch towards the end of the year and she could no longer get away with not eating anything. She knew her Cheerio friends would look the other way because quite honestly half of them weren't eating either, but she knew Finn would get curious as to why she wasn't eating anything so she had to get creative. She would pretend to be so engrossed in a story she forgot to eat or whenever Finn looked the other way she would shove half her sandwich in her backpack.

Quinn made sure she was busy that summer so she didn't have any free time to think about how hungry she was. She signed up for every cheerleading camp she could find and volunteered to be a counselor at her church's summer camp. All in all Quinn only gained one pound the whole summer, which she wasn't too thrilled about but could accept because at this point she was so skinny you practically see every bone sticking out of her body.

All Quinn's hard work paid off when she learned that September that as a mere sophomore she had become the newest head cheerleader of the Cheerios. She was on top of the world. She was now so busy with creating new routines, keeping a perfect GPA in her honors classes, and dating Finn that she barely had time to think about eating anyway.

Everything started to go downhill for the now head cheerleader when Finn decided to join the pathetic little glee club. Not only had he become obsessed with the stupid group but he also never stopped talking about his precious little Rachel.

One day Quinn was particularly upset about Finn canceling a date that she did the unforgivable; she ate a blizzard from Dairy Queen. The next day she couldn't even look at herself in the mirror she was so ashamed so when Puck showed up on her doorstep, wine coolers in tow, she didn't hesitate to let the Mohawk boy in. She greedily chugged three in a row, wanting to feel anything but the guilt she felt for eating that blizzard the day before. The fact that she hadn't eaten all day didn't help her cause and before she knew it she was trashed and found herself making out with Puck on her bed. He started to pick up the pace and Quinn knew it was wrong but it felt so _right_ and he did tell her she wasn't fat, which only made her want to do it more. She became worried Finn would find out but he convinced her she didn't care about the boy and she was so drunk at that point she could be convinced of anything, which is why when Puck told her he had protection she had believed him.

When she woke up the next morning Quinn not only felt guilty about all the calories that were in those wine coolers but she also had to live with the guilt of what she had done to Finn.

She convinced herself that that day had never happened and she never cheated on her gentleman of a boyfriend. It worked for awhile but karma caught up with her five weeks later.

Quinn woke up one morning and before she could even sit up she was hit with a wave of nausea. She jumped out of bed and barely made it to the toilet before she vomited up anything that had been in her stomach. Quinn couldn't figure out why this was happening to her. It happened to her every morning for the next week and it was the following Wednesday that Quinn let herself think about the fact that she may, possibly, most likely be with child. She looked on her calendar only to see that she was supposed to start her period two weeks ago. She couldn't help but break down and cry right then and there because she just _knew_ that her life was over.

Quinn tried her hardest to stick with her diet but she was so hungry all the time now that it was hard. She knew all the dieting and exercise she was doing wasn't good for the baby but at that point she had convinced herself that if she ignored it it would go away.

More often than not Quinn would catch herself eating an extra snack or two because deep down she knew the problem wasn't going to go away and she knew she had to eat for this baby.

It took two weeks for Quinn to work up the courage to tell Finn about the baby and when he asked whether it was his or not Quinn _had_ to lie and tell him it was, she had no other choice. She knew in a couple weeks, when everyone found out, she would most definitely be kicked off the Cheerios and she couldn't stand the thought of losing her popularity and her boyfriend over this stupid baby.

Another month went by and to Quinn's horror she couldn't stop herself from gaining weight. Coach Sylvester had become increasingly curious as to why her head cheerleader was gaining a pound or two every week. It didn't take but another week for Ms. Sylvester to find out about the pregnancy and to Quinn's amazement she didn't immediately kick her off the team. Quinn had successfully convinced herself that she was not going to be kicked off the team and Finn would never find out about her secret and everything was going to be fine.

Well Coach Sylvester did eventually kick her off the squad and thanks to man-hands (also known as Rachel) Finn did find out the baby was not his, only after her parents found out too and kicked her out of the house. Quinn found herself homeless and with no dignity left she moved in with Puck.

Quinn decided she had to focus on the baby now and not everything she had lost. She started to eat again and she started to eat healthy.

It wasn't until Mercedes and Kurt joined Cheerios and went through the same scrutiny she used to go through that Quinn realized how ridiculous she used to act. She wasted a year and a half of her life constantly worried about what she was eating and how much she weighed.

Throughout the rest of her pregnancy Quinn ate as healthy as she could for her baby. She also helped Mercedes deal with the stress of being on Cheerios (until she finally quit).

On nights when Quinn felt lonely because Puck was out with his friends or Santana, Quinn would lie in bed and talk to her baby about all her fears and anxieties. She would keep her hand on her gravid belly and feel the soft thumps from her babies kicks as she talked and talked and talked. Quinn felt quite silly for talking to her baby but it made her feel better. All she had ever needed was someone to talk to about her problems; someone who would listen.

And now, almost two years later, Quinn would oftentimes find herself lying in bed, hands on her now flat stomach, talking to a baby who was no longer hers. As much as it killed Quinn she knew giving the baby up would be the best thing for her daughter in the end and she never regretted her decision. The baby was her savior, her blessing in disguise. She was sent to this Earth to help Quinn overcome a disease that had not only taken over her body but also her mind. After giving the baby up she refused to join the Cheerios again, knowing the damage it did to her. She continued to eat healthy, not for her baby this time, but for herself so she could feel the happiness she knew she deserved.


End file.
